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Back to School: When Everyone Is Feeling It
A few thoughts for parents and adolescents navigating the transition back to school
The return to school can bring a surprising mix of emotions for the whole family.
Excitement, anticipation, worry, tiredness, irritability and even resistance can all show up as the summer holidays come to an end.
As an adolescent counsellor and a parent, I know that returning to school can bring a whole mixture of practical and emotional challenges — not just for young people, but for the adults supporting them too.
For adolescents, going back to school isn't simply about getting the uniform ready and setting the alarm clock. It can mean returning to routines, navigating friendships, managing academic expectations and leaving behind the slower pace of the summer.
For parents, there can be plenty to manage too — getting everyone organised while also trying to support their young person's emotions.
The aim isn't to make the transition completely stress-free. It's to help everyone feel a little more prepared and supported as routines begin again.
Prepare for the transition — without making it the only topic
A little practical preparation can make the return to school feel more manageable.
Getting school bags, uniforms, lunchboxes and other essentials organised before the last minute can reduce some of the rush and friction on those first mornings.
It can also help to gradually move back towards school-day bedtimes and morning routines rather than trying to change everything the night before.
Where possible, let your young person have some involvement. They might organise their school bag, choose what they need for the first day or help get things ready. Small choices can give them a sense of involvement and control.
But preparation doesn't have to mean talking about school constantly.
If we've been asking every day:
"Are you nervous about going back?"
"Are you looking forward to school?"
"Are you worried about your teacher?"
we can unintentionally make the return to school feel like a much bigger event.
Make space for conversations when they arise, but also keep enjoying the holidays.
Go outside. See friends. Have slow mornings. Enjoy the last few days.
Prepare for the transition, but don't let the transition take over.
Look beneath the behaviour
A young person who is snapping, becoming tearful, withdrawing or suddenly needing lots of reassurance may not simply be "being difficult".
Transitions can bring big feelings, and adolescents don't always have the words — or the desire — to explain what's happening underneath.
Sometimes:
"I don't want to go back."
might really mean:
"What if I don't fit in?"
"What if I can't keep up?"
"What if things have changed while I was away?"
"What if I don't know where I fit anymore?"
Rather than immediately trying to fix the problem, we can get curious.
You might try:
"I wonder if going back to school is feeling a little bit hard at the moment?"
You don't necessarily need an answer straight away.
Sometimes simply opening the door to the conversation is enough.
Connection before correction
When we're busy and stressed, it's very easy to move straight into problem-solving:
"Come on, you need to get ready."
"We've talked about this already."
"There's nothing to be worried about."
We usually say these things because we want to help.
But sometimes what a young person needs first is to feel understood.
Try:
"I can see you're finding this hard."
"It makes sense that you might feel nervous."
"You don't have to feel excited about going back."
Feeling heard can sometimes make it easier to think about what might help next.
We don't have to remove every worry
As parents, our instinct can be to reassure:
"You'll be absolutely fine."
"Don't worry about it."
"You'll have a great time."
But there is another message we can give — one that acknowledges the worry while also reminding a young person that difficult feelings can be managed.
Try:
"You might feel nervous, and you can still do it."
"We don't know exactly how the first day will go, but we'll take it one step at a time."
The goal isn't necessarily to make anxiety disappear.
It can be about developing the confidence to think:
"I can feel worried and still cope."
When your teenager doesn't want to talk
One of the hardest parts of supporting an adolescent can be knowing when to ask questions — and when to give them some space.
A teenager who says "I'm fine" may genuinely not want to talk at that moment. That doesn't necessarily mean there isn't anything going on.
Sometimes a low-pressure approach works better than a direct conversation.
A chat in the car, while walking, cooking or doing something together can feel much easier than sitting down and asking:
"So, what are you worried about?"
You might simply say:
"Going back to school is coming up soon. If anything is on your mind, you can always talk to me."
Then leave the door open.
They may talk when they're ready.
And sometimes the most important message is simply knowing that the door is open.
For adolescents: if going back to school is making you anxious
If you're feeling worried about going back to school, you're not the only one.
Even if everyone around you seems excited, confident or completely fine, they may be feeling nervous too.
You don't have to feel ready.
You don't have to love going back.
You just need to take the next small step.
It can help to ask yourself:
What am I actually worried about?
Is it:
- Seeing people again?
- Friendships?
- A particular class or teacher?
- Homework, exams or keeping up?
- Getting things wrong?
- Feeling judged?
- Being away from home?
- Feeling like everyone else has changed?
- Something that happened before the holidays?
Sometimes putting a worry into words can make it feel a little less overwhelming.
And remember:
You don't have to solve the whole school year on the first day.
Just focus on the next thing.
Get dressed.
Get to school.
Find your classroom.
Say hello to someone.
Get through the first class.
Then take it from there.
A simple reset when things feel overwhelming
When emotions are running high, try pausing for a moment.
Stop
Take a moment to step away from whatever is happening.
Breathe
Take a slow breath in and allow your exhale to be a little longer.
Repeat a few times.
Notice
Ask yourself:
What am I feeling?
Where do I notice it in my body?
What do I need right now?
Sometimes the answer isn't:
"I need this problem fixed."
It might be:
"I need five minutes."
"I need someone to listen."
"I need a plan."
"I need some reassurance."
"I need to know I'm not doing this alone."
A reminder for parents
You don't have to make your teenager's worries disappear.
You don't have to have the perfect response.
And you don't have to get every moment right.
Sometimes the most reassuring thing a parent can communicate is:
"I can see this feels hard. You don't have to handle it perfectly. And you don't have to handle it alone."
Supporting an adolescent doesn't mean removing every difficulty from their path.
Sometimes it means helping them know that they can face difficult things — while knowing that you are there beside them.
When might extra support be helpful?
Some worry around returning to school is a normal part of navigating change and transition.
If you have ongoing concerns about your young person's emotional wellbeing, however, it can be helpful to speak with someone who can offer appropriate support and guidance.
Depending on the situation and the young person's needs, this might include their GP, school, counsellor or psychotherapist, or a specialist child and adolescent professional.
Early support can sometimes make a difference.
About me
I'm an adolescent counsellor and psychotherapist, as well as a parent, and I work with young people and adults around anxiety, stress, low mood, grief and life transitions.
If your teenager is struggling and you'd like to explore whether counselling could be helpful, you're welcome to get in touch.
Grief, Loss and Finding Joy: A Podcast Conversation
Recently, I had the opportunity to talk openly about grief and my own experience of losing both of my parents on a podcast. We explored the duality of grief — how sadness and joy can exist alongside one another, and how life can continue to hold moments of happiness even when someone we love is no longer here.
Grief is often described as something we move through — as though there is a beginning, a middle and eventually an end.
But my own experience of grief has taught me that it is rarely that simple.
After losing both of my parents, I began to understand grief as something that can exist alongside life rather than something that simply disappears when life moves on. There can be sadness and laughter, longing and gratitude, difficult days and genuinely joyful moments — sometimes all within the same day.
We talked about how our relationships with those around us can shift and change after a bereavement. One would hope that it can bring family closer together, but the reality can be different. Everyone experiences grief differently and so sometimes it can be hard to relate to each other. Relationships can drift or fall apart instead of strengthening which brings about another loss. Living loss can sometimes be more difficult to bear as it’s often not talked about or carries a sense of shame.
The experience of grief during COVID also brought another layer to this. For many people, loss happened at a time when the usual rituals, gatherings and opportunities to say goodbye were disrupted. We were grieving while also living through a period of enormous uncertainty and isolation. For some, this changed the way grief was experienced and processed.
There will be days when the grief feels close and days when it feels further away. Neither means that we are doing grief 'right' or 'wrong'. It is simply part of the way loss changes over time.
Perhaps grief isn't about letting go of the person we have lost but finding a way to carry their presence with us as we continue to live our lives.
If you are experiencing grief yourself, I hope the conversation offers a reminder that whatever you are feeling — sadness, anger, relief, gratitude, joy, or a mixture of all of these — there is space for it.
Grief doesn't have to look a certain way.
And neither does healing.
What breathwork training has taught me so far
When I began my breathwork training, I thought the focus would be on learning techniques — what to do, how to guide, how to get it “right.”
But what I’m learning is that it’s not really about the technique at all.
It’s about holding space.
Creating an environment that feels safe, supportive, and trusting — much like in counselling — where people can show up exactly as they are. I’m learning that everyone’s capacity is different, and each person comes with their own intentions, expectations, and experiences.
There’s no one-size-fits-all approach.
What matters most is creating a space where people feel safe enough to explore, and to become curious about their own breath and body.
We breathe all the time, yet we rarely pay attention to it. And when we do, it can be surprisingly difficult to stay with the breath. That in itself has been one of the biggest learnings for me — how challenging it can be to slow down, to stay present, and to simply notice.
I feel incredibly grateful to all of the participants who have trusted me so far. It has been a privilege to hold space for them, and to learn alongside them in the process.
I’m still very much on this journey, and I’m looking forward to continuing to deepen both my understanding and my practice.
Thank you for being here,
Krystle
Krystle Phelan Counselling & Wellness
📧 Email: kphelancounselling@gmail.com
📞 Phone: 089 653 8092
Feeling Overwhelmed? How Counselling Can Help You Find Calm
Life can feel overwhelming at times. Whether it’s anxiety, stress, grief, low mood, or feeling stuck, it’s normal to need support. Taking the first step can feel daunting — but it can also be the beginning of real change.
How Counselling Helps
Counselling gives you a safe, confidential space to explore your thoughts and feelings. Together, we can:
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Understand what’s happening in your life
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Identify patterns that may be causing stress or anxiety
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Find practical tools to cope and manage difficult emotions
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Explore what matters to you and how to move forward
My approach is person-centred, meaning you are always at the heart of the process. There’s no judgement, no agenda, and no rush — just a supportive environment where your own growth can happen at your pace.
Small Steps Make a Big Difference
Even before starting counselling, there are simple ways to take care of yourself each day. For example:
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Pause and notice your thoughts without judging them
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Keep a short journal of feelings or worries
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Take a brief walk or move your body to release tension
- Take a moment to notice your breath
Small steps like these can help you feel more grounded and aware of your needs.
Take the First Step
If you’re ready to explore counselling, you don’t have to have everything figured out before you begin. I offer both online and in-person sessions in Swords, North Co. Dublin, as well as a free 15-minute discovery call to see if we’re the right fit.
Taking that first step can be the start of feeling calmer, clearer, and more confident in your life.
Krystle Phelan Counselling & Wellness
Summit Psychotherapy Centre, Swords, Co.Dublin
K67 X4W8
📧 Email: kphelancounselling@gmail.com
📞 Phone: 089 653 8092